How do you know for sure?
Obviously, you have different boundaries with your friends, family, work colleagues? Don’t you?
One way to answer that question for sure is to look at all of your relationships in the key areas of your life; at work, home, with friends, partners, etc.
Who do you allow into your innermost circle?
Who frustrates you most?
Who do you feel is frustrated with you?
Is it at on/off or ongoing thing?
Why are you feeling this way?
Consider whether you have a need or want;
A need – ‘I need this to work / there is a lot riding on it / need them stop
A want – ‘I want us to make up / be friends / work as a team / them to be nicer / get a promotion, etc’
Are you likely to compromise your own needs, values, thoughts, opinions to fit in with others?
How well does that work for you in the long run?
You are the one person you have control over you in all your relationships. By compromising your own values and opinions gives others the opportunity to frustrate you even more……
And you have given them permission!!!.
It is also an indication of weak boundaries.
You are viewing each situation through a tinged lense of self-doubt and mixed emotions. Your concern about others thoughts and feelings completely, totally discounting your own, or being afraid to express yourself for fear that they might abandon or dislike you, leaves you more open, exposed and vulnerable.
Therefore, when striving towards healthier boundaries.
You will still feel some level of anxiety. However, by taking step back, considering your needs and opinions and working out how best to approach your frustrations, you give yourself the opportunity to
1) communicate your needs clearly, reducing any misunderstandings.
2) reduce your anxiety because you have acted in your own integrity and have not compromised yourself in the process. You have recognised and valued your worth.
So, when your relationships at work, at home etc become unhappy and strained, consider how you can strengthen your boundaries.
- Avoid any immediate knee jerk reactions.
- Take a step back from the situation and give yourself a chance to think about what is going on, what would be right for you and the best way to deal with it.
- Aim to communicate yourself as clearly as possible without becoming frustrated.
- And be confident in how you have chosen to deal with any issues.